Saturday, April 30, 2005
excuse me, am i s'porean?
joined a group of s'poreans for a wonderful authentic s'pore dinner. had a great time.
everyone there was 'somebody'. they have all 'made it' in the US. a young couple were formal scholars who bought themselves out before the bond ended, some of them are VC, half of them are expats from s'pore. even the younger ones are bright stanford students.
was i actually feeling inferior? i did once had a very respectable job, holding some pretty powerful positions too. those were the days when people had to listen to what i say because my evaluation of their products / systems determined their year end bonus etc. But now, i'm nobody. i dun even know what's going to happen to me 3 months from now.
then it dawned onto me that i am still soooo s'porean. not because of my accent, not because of my slang, but my mentality. if after pulling myself out of the country, i'm still soooo concerned with all these material stuff, then i shouldn't have come out at all. i suddenly hated myself for being so superficial.
i should be proud of my own decision. so wat if i'm a starving student now? so wat if i decide to continue working as a 'small' traffic engineer (and not go to vet school)? as long as i am contended with my own choice, i should feel good. so long as i love what i'm doing, i should be happy.
it is strange that i never felt like that when hanging out with the locals. i've always been wondering why Tap 'conveniently' doesn't hangout with S'poreans. he simply doesn't make an effort to seek out any s'porean group activities. i guess now i know.
everyone there was 'somebody'. they have all 'made it' in the US. a young couple were formal scholars who bought themselves out before the bond ended, some of them are VC, half of them are expats from s'pore. even the younger ones are bright stanford students.
was i actually feeling inferior? i did once had a very respectable job, holding some pretty powerful positions too. those were the days when people had to listen to what i say because my evaluation of their products / systems determined their year end bonus etc. But now, i'm nobody. i dun even know what's going to happen to me 3 months from now.
then it dawned onto me that i am still soooo s'porean. not because of my accent, not because of my slang, but my mentality. if after pulling myself out of the country, i'm still soooo concerned with all these material stuff, then i shouldn't have come out at all. i suddenly hated myself for being so superficial.
i should be proud of my own decision. so wat if i'm a starving student now? so wat if i decide to continue working as a 'small' traffic engineer (and not go to vet school)? as long as i am contended with my own choice, i should feel good. so long as i love what i'm doing, i should be happy.
it is strange that i never felt like that when hanging out with the locals. i've always been wondering why Tap 'conveniently' doesn't hangout with S'poreans. he simply doesn't make an effort to seek out any s'porean group activities. i guess now i know.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
tiny thots II - still themeless
verbal diarrhoea - suddenly has a lot to blog
verbal constipation - didn't blog anything for 3 days or more
'he's just not into you' - title of a book i saw on amazon.com
then found out that a gal fren had actually read it and it did her some good.
Duh???
ok, i must 1st qualify that i have not read it, not even it's content page and my comment is strictly some off-the-cuff thoughts.
wake up sisters!! do girls really need to be told so blatantly that a guy is 'just not into u'?? surely u can tell if he is 'into u' or 'out of u' (heh, no dirty thoughts there.... it only a metaphor!!!) - even if you are blind.....
that's why women have stronger intuition/6th sense or whatever you call it. so we really need some bestseller to throw that in our face, in front of millions of people?
c'mon.... by virtue that you have time to even want to read such a book, instead of spending time with him romancing away, what does that goes to show????
oh boy.... i would rather face the truth quietly..... but of course, how you deal with this 'not into you' business is entirely to each her own. i have no comment. but wait, i'm sure there is a different book out there that you can read.....
verbal constipation - didn't blog anything for 3 days or more
'he's just not into you' - title of a book i saw on amazon.com
then found out that a gal fren had actually read it and it did her some good.
Duh???
ok, i must 1st qualify that i have not read it, not even it's content page and my comment is strictly some off-the-cuff thoughts.
wake up sisters!! do girls really need to be told so blatantly that a guy is 'just not into u'?? surely u can tell if he is 'into u' or 'out of u' (heh, no dirty thoughts there.... it only a metaphor!!!) - even if you are blind.....
that's why women have stronger intuition/6th sense or whatever you call it. so we really need some bestseller to throw that in our face, in front of millions of people?
c'mon.... by virtue that you have time to even want to read such a book, instead of spending time with him romancing away, what does that goes to show????
oh boy.... i would rather face the truth quietly..... but of course, how you deal with this 'not into you' business is entirely to each her own. i have no comment. but wait, i'm sure there is a different book out there that you can read.....
hey, wat r u running from?
i'm dying to share an article that i read - for those who are always in a hurry, take some time to read this. i really hope it touches u, the way it moved me.
From: Dogs Don't Bite when a Growl Will Do
by: Matt Weinstein and Luke Barber
Dogs Know There is a Time for Sitting and Staying
The first 2 things that i always teach my dogs are 'sit' and 'stay'. I can usually accomplish this bit of training in the very first 15-min training session with a puppy. With a little patience and 8 ounces of cheese, even the slowest canine students are able to sit and hold a stay by the end of the 2nd session.
What dogs can learn in a very brief time some people can't seem to learn in a whole lifetime - that sitting and staying is an important part of life. It seems, instead, that our lifestyles are all about busyness. We rush from place to place, always at double-time, never able to slow down and just stay put. i'm in a 'Hurry, hurry, hurry,' is our anthem, but we don't have time to stop and sing it.
'what are we running from?' and 'What are we running to?' are important questions we rarely stop to ask. When we do ask them, we rarely sit still long enough to hear the answer from our deep, inner self. We only have time for the superficial, shallow answer, 'It's because I have so much to do.' Then, we are off and running again.
Blue's vet, Dr Jim Ahumada, has a sign in his treatment room that reads, SIT! STAY! THE DOCTOR WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. When i commented one day about the sign, he said, 'Oh, the dogs don't need it. They have lots of patience. It's only the people. They are always in such a big rush. They are the ones who need to be reminded to slow down.'
What exactly is the big rush? The Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, often says to his students, 'Our final earthly destination is the cemetery. Why is everyone in such a hurry to get there?'
We all need time in our daily lives to allow our minds to sit still. This profound truth is a lesson that has been taught by the great spiritual teachers throughout history.
Just like with our dogs, sittng and staying is a habit that must be acquired. We have to train ourselves - first with short periods of quiet and calm and then later with longer ones - to let go of all the busyness and running around. We don't have to spend 40 days in the wilderness to realize the benefits of solitude.
If we can learn to take just 15 min a day for sitting and staying, then within just a couple of weeks we will already begin to see the benefits in our lives. We will be less anxious, more centered, and less likely to be upset by the inevitable difficulties that life puts in our path. Just 15 min a day to stop doing, stop thinking and stop planning may be all we need. When we can give ourselves these 15min a day to do nothing more than relax totally and enjoy our breathing, we will discover why this whole sitting and staying thing is not just something we should be teaching our dogs - it is something we should be teaching ourselves.
* to those who wonder what the heck am i doing - quitting a well-paid job and doesn't seem too concern where my life is going - well, i figured that 15min a day is not enough for me to enjoy my breathing. i need a year!! but dun be too happy yet, i have no intention to be back in s'pore for good. for that, i dun have plans yet..... and i'm glad my mom is finall cool about it!!!
From: Dogs Don't Bite when a Growl Will Do
by: Matt Weinstein and Luke Barber
Dogs Know There is a Time for Sitting and Staying
The first 2 things that i always teach my dogs are 'sit' and 'stay'. I can usually accomplish this bit of training in the very first 15-min training session with a puppy. With a little patience and 8 ounces of cheese, even the slowest canine students are able to sit and hold a stay by the end of the 2nd session.
What dogs can learn in a very brief time some people can't seem to learn in a whole lifetime - that sitting and staying is an important part of life. It seems, instead, that our lifestyles are all about busyness. We rush from place to place, always at double-time, never able to slow down and just stay put. i'm in a 'Hurry, hurry, hurry,' is our anthem, but we don't have time to stop and sing it.
'what are we running from?' and 'What are we running to?' are important questions we rarely stop to ask. When we do ask them, we rarely sit still long enough to hear the answer from our deep, inner self. We only have time for the superficial, shallow answer, 'It's because I have so much to do.' Then, we are off and running again.
Blue's vet, Dr Jim Ahumada, has a sign in his treatment room that reads, SIT! STAY! THE DOCTOR WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU. When i commented one day about the sign, he said, 'Oh, the dogs don't need it. They have lots of patience. It's only the people. They are always in such a big rush. They are the ones who need to be reminded to slow down.'
What exactly is the big rush? The Zen master, Thich Nhat Hanh, often says to his students, 'Our final earthly destination is the cemetery. Why is everyone in such a hurry to get there?'
We all need time in our daily lives to allow our minds to sit still. This profound truth is a lesson that has been taught by the great spiritual teachers throughout history.
Just like with our dogs, sittng and staying is a habit that must be acquired. We have to train ourselves - first with short periods of quiet and calm and then later with longer ones - to let go of all the busyness and running around. We don't have to spend 40 days in the wilderness to realize the benefits of solitude.
If we can learn to take just 15 min a day for sitting and staying, then within just a couple of weeks we will already begin to see the benefits in our lives. We will be less anxious, more centered, and less likely to be upset by the inevitable difficulties that life puts in our path. Just 15 min a day to stop doing, stop thinking and stop planning may be all we need. When we can give ourselves these 15min a day to do nothing more than relax totally and enjoy our breathing, we will discover why this whole sitting and staying thing is not just something we should be teaching our dogs - it is something we should be teaching ourselves.
* to those who wonder what the heck am i doing - quitting a well-paid job and doesn't seem too concern where my life is going - well, i figured that 15min a day is not enough for me to enjoy my breathing. i need a year!! but dun be too happy yet, i have no intention to be back in s'pore for good. for that, i dun have plans yet..... and i'm glad my mom is finall cool about it!!!
Monday, April 25, 2005
to quit or not to quit - that's the question
a gal fren recently got involved with a guy in a really complicated situation. He is going thru' divorce but is currently attached to another girl. the catch here is that, both these other women are not in the same country as the guy and only my precious fren is.
she calls me (yes 1/2 way across the globe) every other day to share her woes and joy. i am most willing to lend her an listening ear (or a virtual shoulder). even though she asks for advice, i know it makes no difference whatever i say.
seriously, what can another person say? i told her this morning that in order to be fair to herself, she should let go. but i qualified saying that i know it is difficult - i should know better, this letting go business. and i can say this because i am not emotionally entrenched. but for someone who is so emotionally involved, it doesn't happen with a flick of a switch.
finally, i told her, it is like virus attack. she just have to go thru' the ordeal and it will come to a point in time that she will get everything fix - in the best possible way, at the most appropriate time. just like our body finally builds up the immue system to chase the virus away. then we become healthy again. but yes, it takes time (who knows how long) and some form of discomfort.
for her, the only thing anyone can do (really, cut the crap in telling her to give up) is to offer her the support she needs - listen to her, talk to her, cry with her (if need) so that she knows she is not alone. for me, i have taken her calls at the weirdest time of the day, while in class or during a movie. but i guess that's the only thing i can do, since being so far away.
she calls me (yes 1/2 way across the globe) every other day to share her woes and joy. i am most willing to lend her an listening ear (or a virtual shoulder). even though she asks for advice, i know it makes no difference whatever i say.
seriously, what can another person say? i told her this morning that in order to be fair to herself, she should let go. but i qualified saying that i know it is difficult - i should know better, this letting go business. and i can say this because i am not emotionally entrenched. but for someone who is so emotionally involved, it doesn't happen with a flick of a switch.
finally, i told her, it is like virus attack. she just have to go thru' the ordeal and it will come to a point in time that she will get everything fix - in the best possible way, at the most appropriate time. just like our body finally builds up the immue system to chase the virus away. then we become healthy again. but yes, it takes time (who knows how long) and some form of discomfort.
for her, the only thing anyone can do (really, cut the crap in telling her to give up) is to offer her the support she needs - listen to her, talk to her, cry with her (if need) so that she knows she is not alone. for me, i have taken her calls at the weirdest time of the day, while in class or during a movie. but i guess that's the only thing i can do, since being so far away.
Saturday, April 23, 2005
About the war
i never felt the reality of Iraq War until arriving in the US. sure, there are enough news and imagines on CNN etc for me to know that the war IS real. but i can never put a face to it.
i listen to a song dedication radio program pretty much every night as i study (or the attempt to). apart from lovers sharing their joy, there are many heartwarming stories of family reunion, reconcillation between frens, etc. But it is those who dedicate songs to their loved ones serving in Iraq that makes me feel the most.
sister missing brothers, wives missing husbands, mothers missing children etc. there was even one teenager who wanted to tell his grandmother (yes, grandmother!) that he missed her. the grandmother was serving in Iraq with the US Navy. suddenly, the war is made up of flesh and blood. These are coupled with letters sent to the local daily asking for prayers, and stories of families who lost members to the insurgent attacks. they always indicate where the soldiers come from. it jolts me when i know some were from the area (or near) that i live in. i dun need to know them personally.
personally, i think there must be a better way of managing the whole thing, instead of sending people (many of them are barely 20 years old) to be killed. but, i dunno. the decision of 1 man, affecting lives of thousand, or rather, millions. some good, perhaps mostly bad? i'm no political critic. all i can say is that, i am glad that at least s'pore policy is diplomacy above all. otherwise, i could end up calling radio station to dedicate songs to family and frens who may be called to serve.
to those who care, do say a prayer for the many (young) men and women serving in the harsh environment, including their family - whether or not they agree with the war thingy, they are merely doing their job.
i listen to a song dedication radio program pretty much every night as i study (or the attempt to). apart from lovers sharing their joy, there are many heartwarming stories of family reunion, reconcillation between frens, etc. But it is those who dedicate songs to their loved ones serving in Iraq that makes me feel the most.
sister missing brothers, wives missing husbands, mothers missing children etc. there was even one teenager who wanted to tell his grandmother (yes, grandmother!) that he missed her. the grandmother was serving in Iraq with the US Navy. suddenly, the war is made up of flesh and blood. These are coupled with letters sent to the local daily asking for prayers, and stories of families who lost members to the insurgent attacks. they always indicate where the soldiers come from. it jolts me when i know some were from the area (or near) that i live in. i dun need to know them personally.
personally, i think there must be a better way of managing the whole thing, instead of sending people (many of them are barely 20 years old) to be killed. but, i dunno. the decision of 1 man, affecting lives of thousand, or rather, millions. some good, perhaps mostly bad? i'm no political critic. all i can say is that, i am glad that at least s'pore policy is diplomacy above all. otherwise, i could end up calling radio station to dedicate songs to family and frens who may be called to serve.
to those who care, do say a prayer for the many (young) men and women serving in the harsh environment, including their family - whether or not they agree with the war thingy, they are merely doing their job.
Desperate housemates
So are you guys confused about how i feel towards my housemates? on one hand, i painted them as 2 weirdest people in earth, with some strange attitude problem, and on the other, look out for them like they are my close friends.
ok, let me put things in perspective. My housemates are a very young swedish couple, going to the same school as me. they approached me one day during orientation, asking if i want to share an apartment with them.
though young, they seemed sensible enough and we hit off almost immediately. the gal is chinese (by race), whose parents were the famous (or infamous) boat people from Vietnam during the war. she is born and raised in Sweden. He on the other hand, is the typical 'white' swedish guy. In fact, by any standard, the gal is very pretty and the guy is very charming too. i took an instant liking in them and in 2 weeks, we found a perfect apartment and moved in.
things were going well. we worked out how things are to be managed in the apartment. because of the similar enthic background the gal and i shared, a lot of things were actually quite easy. given that i lived in the bay area before, we had a pretty good head start in settling down. because there are 2 of them (it's buy one get one free!!), they could look out for me since i am here alone - they got panic if i didn't reach home the time i said i would and would call to check if i was alright.
But i guess they didn't find this whole US experience enticing enough to complete the intended education. so 2 days back, they told me they would be going home for good, really soon. i had this coming. the change in attitude (towards everything american) is the most bizzare to me. you guys have heard enough. i have got used to their queer ways of doing things. but afterall, they are still kids, with very limited life experiences.
while i may not agree with they way they handled things, i can only say that people are different. Despite their attitude problem, they did me no harm. i cannot say enough that if i were to do it all over again, i will still choose them as housemates. no one is perfect; i'm sure there are things they hated about me.
all i needed, in my housemates - decent people, no drunkards or smokers, prompt in paying bills, mind each other's own business, not petty, considerate, sincere (no crooks pls) and be open about the differences we all have (huh? too much to ask for?).
by and large, they fulfilled all the above. In fact, when her parents visited last year, we had a really good time showing them around together. because they were too young to rent a car, i rented one and acted as a tour guide cum driver for 5 days before they left for LA. Her parents would stay up and chat with me, sharing their hopes and aspirations for their daughter and she in turn showed me how much she cared for them. i also had a good time talking with her 15-year old brother.
i think deep down inside, we know we are more than 'regular' housemates. in fact, being with them for the past half year has taught and reminded me a many things; good and bad (reverse education). i am definitely grateful for the experience and the opportunity to know someone from 1/2 way across the globe.
though i think is it a pity that they wanted to give up just like that, i will be happy for them if they are happy going home. it pains me to see them (him, especially) struggling to get used to life here. as for me, i am actually a little sad to see them go. i am not angry at them for flaking out on me like that, not because we worked out a win-win in terms of the rental arrangement, but i will miss having them around.
who likes changes, especially when things are working alright. but as it is, change is the only constant. so i suppose i'm off to another new experience soon, staying on my own.
to end this, i wish the best for them, whether or not they remain together. and if i ever have the chance to see them again, i want to know that they have been happy, since going home, even if life is not all that rosy.
**(added on 24th April 05) -having made the decision to go home, my housemates are in fabulous mood. i am happy for them too. it has been quite a while since the 3 of us sat together to chat. we enjoyed a good walk round the neighbourhood to look for apartment (for me lah!) just this afternoon - just like when we started. i seriously think that i may end up crying when i send them off at the airport few weeks from now......
ok, let me put things in perspective. My housemates are a very young swedish couple, going to the same school as me. they approached me one day during orientation, asking if i want to share an apartment with them.
though young, they seemed sensible enough and we hit off almost immediately. the gal is chinese (by race), whose parents were the famous (or infamous) boat people from Vietnam during the war. she is born and raised in Sweden. He on the other hand, is the typical 'white' swedish guy. In fact, by any standard, the gal is very pretty and the guy is very charming too. i took an instant liking in them and in 2 weeks, we found a perfect apartment and moved in.
things were going well. we worked out how things are to be managed in the apartment. because of the similar enthic background the gal and i shared, a lot of things were actually quite easy. given that i lived in the bay area before, we had a pretty good head start in settling down. because there are 2 of them (it's buy one get one free!!), they could look out for me since i am here alone - they got panic if i didn't reach home the time i said i would and would call to check if i was alright.
But i guess they didn't find this whole US experience enticing enough to complete the intended education. so 2 days back, they told me they would be going home for good, really soon. i had this coming. the change in attitude (towards everything american) is the most bizzare to me. you guys have heard enough. i have got used to their queer ways of doing things. but afterall, they are still kids, with very limited life experiences.
while i may not agree with they way they handled things, i can only say that people are different. Despite their attitude problem, they did me no harm. i cannot say enough that if i were to do it all over again, i will still choose them as housemates. no one is perfect; i'm sure there are things they hated about me.
all i needed, in my housemates - decent people, no drunkards or smokers, prompt in paying bills, mind each other's own business, not petty, considerate, sincere (no crooks pls) and be open about the differences we all have (huh? too much to ask for?).
by and large, they fulfilled all the above. In fact, when her parents visited last year, we had a really good time showing them around together. because they were too young to rent a car, i rented one and acted as a tour guide cum driver for 5 days before they left for LA. Her parents would stay up and chat with me, sharing their hopes and aspirations for their daughter and she in turn showed me how much she cared for them. i also had a good time talking with her 15-year old brother.
i think deep down inside, we know we are more than 'regular' housemates. in fact, being with them for the past half year has taught and reminded me a many things; good and bad (reverse education). i am definitely grateful for the experience and the opportunity to know someone from 1/2 way across the globe.
though i think is it a pity that they wanted to give up just like that, i will be happy for them if they are happy going home. it pains me to see them (him, especially) struggling to get used to life here. as for me, i am actually a little sad to see them go. i am not angry at them for flaking out on me like that, not because we worked out a win-win in terms of the rental arrangement, but i will miss having them around.
who likes changes, especially when things are working alright. but as it is, change is the only constant. so i suppose i'm off to another new experience soon, staying on my own.
to end this, i wish the best for them, whether or not they remain together. and if i ever have the chance to see them again, i want to know that they have been happy, since going home, even if life is not all that rosy.
**(added on 24th April 05) -having made the decision to go home, my housemates are in fabulous mood. i am happy for them too. it has been quite a while since the 3 of us sat together to chat. we enjoyed a good walk round the neighbourhood to look for apartment (for me lah!) just this afternoon - just like when we started. i seriously think that i may end up crying when i send them off at the airport few weeks from now......
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Tiny Thots - themeless
what is 'pet blessing' suppose to mean???? Does it really mean bring your pets to be blessed?? how wonderful!?!? saw it on a banner outside a church.
i heard over the radio that shouting at an endangered species of bird is considered verbal abuse!!! u mean the bird can understand? the real meaning of 'talk cock' examplified.
saw 5 reports of shooting incident on the local daily. whoa, that's close to triple the daily dosage. there will be at 1-2 cases each day. 5 - that's a lot. by shooting i really mean people trying to kill another with a piece of firearm - pistol, handgun, revolver, whatever. the city where all these happen is 10min drive from where i live.
10 years ago, when i was looking for a place to stay during my internship, chung-i said that he wouldn't allow me to live there no matter how cheap the rent is. today, i'd say the same. it's obviously not a place that i would go for whatever reason - however, i have to pass by when i go shopping at Ikea.
but folks, dun worry. the area that i live in is relatively safe, though cannot be safer than s'pore, of course. i take whatever precaution i can when walking around at night. i will try to run all the way home (from the bus/ train stop) if i'm not carrying too much things. otherwise, i have frens who would send me right to my apartment block.
i heard over the radio that shouting at an endangered species of bird is considered verbal abuse!!! u mean the bird can understand? the real meaning of 'talk cock' examplified.
saw 5 reports of shooting incident on the local daily. whoa, that's close to triple the daily dosage. there will be at 1-2 cases each day. 5 - that's a lot. by shooting i really mean people trying to kill another with a piece of firearm - pistol, handgun, revolver, whatever. the city where all these happen is 10min drive from where i live.
10 years ago, when i was looking for a place to stay during my internship, chung-i said that he wouldn't allow me to live there no matter how cheap the rent is. today, i'd say the same. it's obviously not a place that i would go for whatever reason - however, i have to pass by when i go shopping at Ikea.
but folks, dun worry. the area that i live in is relatively safe, though cannot be safer than s'pore, of course. i take whatever precaution i can when walking around at night. i will try to run all the way home (from the bus/ train stop) if i'm not carrying too much things. otherwise, i have frens who would send me right to my apartment block.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Spring is here!!! - the season, i mean
Spring is here!! really. how do i know? because the groundhog saw it's shadow > 6 weeks ago!!
No way - it's not the groundhog, but the flowers. fancy me singing praises of the flowers? i can't help it. the flowers, roses especially, are literally fighting for attention. an explicit exhibition of the phrase '花 争妍’. the rose plants that line the lawn of every other house i pass, are blooming so ever glamourously that everything else pales in comparison. Honestly, i've never seen such a glorious display of roses before.
where there are no roses, there are what we call the 'wildflowers'. another magnificant display of colour and splendor. Tell me this isn't spring??? sally, did u experience this while in France?
the sun shines brightly as i jog in the afternoon, but the breeze remains cool. and hey, i'm already jogging in t-shirt & shorts. no more sweatshirt & track pants.
those who know me, i hate jogging. i only did so out of no choice - when training for competition. But as a starving student now, it is the best form of exercise - cheap n good. so, i now focus on the joy of checking out the flower display while jogging and surprisingly, i start to find the whole journey very enjoyable.
certainly this is a matter of attitude. i can choose to dwell on the chore of this bloody activity or choose to enjoy the goodness it brings. At times, with the appropriate wind direction, the air is really filled with fragrance of the flowers. Enjoyable is an understatement!! it is simply wonderful, and it gives me great pleasure.
once very often, i get to say 'hi' to some cute guys who happen to bring their trash out to the curb, which definitely adds to the fun. ha ha ha.... (Hmmmm.... sounds like the closing scene in a Sylvia Chang movie that i saw recently..... if anyone has seen her '40:30:20' .....)
Discussion with SL kinda reached a gridlock the last few days, leaving me quite stressed. But again, unduly support from HY and Pat have pushed me along. Thanks!! like i said, i would choose to focus on the good things. there is no point in getting all upset in this beautiful season, isn't it? no doubt my life is not all 'springy', but this should not stop me from indulging in this superb season.
a fren commented recently that i look fatter in the photos that i posted. that's a real motivation for me to stick to my exercise regime - u bet! (vanity has no cure, man!!)
No way - it's not the groundhog, but the flowers. fancy me singing praises of the flowers? i can't help it. the flowers, roses especially, are literally fighting for attention. an explicit exhibition of the phrase '花 争妍’. the rose plants that line the lawn of every other house i pass, are blooming so ever glamourously that everything else pales in comparison. Honestly, i've never seen such a glorious display of roses before.
where there are no roses, there are what we call the 'wildflowers'. another magnificant display of colour and splendor. Tell me this isn't spring??? sally, did u experience this while in France?
the sun shines brightly as i jog in the afternoon, but the breeze remains cool. and hey, i'm already jogging in t-shirt & shorts. no more sweatshirt & track pants.
those who know me, i hate jogging. i only did so out of no choice - when training for competition. But as a starving student now, it is the best form of exercise - cheap n good. so, i now focus on the joy of checking out the flower display while jogging and surprisingly, i start to find the whole journey very enjoyable.
certainly this is a matter of attitude. i can choose to dwell on the chore of this bloody activity or choose to enjoy the goodness it brings. At times, with the appropriate wind direction, the air is really filled with fragrance of the flowers. Enjoyable is an understatement!! it is simply wonderful, and it gives me great pleasure.
once very often, i get to say 'hi' to some cute guys who happen to bring their trash out to the curb, which definitely adds to the fun. ha ha ha.... (Hmmmm.... sounds like the closing scene in a Sylvia Chang movie that i saw recently..... if anyone has seen her '40:30:20' .....)
Discussion with SL kinda reached a gridlock the last few days, leaving me quite stressed. But again, unduly support from HY and Pat have pushed me along. Thanks!! like i said, i would choose to focus on the good things. there is no point in getting all upset in this beautiful season, isn't it? no doubt my life is not all 'springy', but this should not stop me from indulging in this superb season.
a fren commented recently that i look fatter in the photos that i posted. that's a real motivation for me to stick to my exercise regime - u bet! (vanity has no cure, man!!)
Monday, April 18, 2005
suffering vs joy
wish to share this blog with sally, mag and kenneth in particular.
it came from the homily i heard today.
Father started by relating an article he read about an experiment carried out by Oxford - to measure if one can endure higher level of physical suffering if he has faith. the congregation laughed big time - i thought that was a silly study.
then he went on to talk about suffering for love; parents sacrificing for their children, spouses who put the other before self, a new mother who must endure the pain of delivery before feeling the immerse joy of seeing the newborn.
honestly, i am seldom so attentive during homily. my mind tends to wonder in my own thoughts or just day dreaming away (ooops...). i found today's session very refreshing. the topic is not new. you guys must have heard variations of it 10 thousand times.
but i have a new appreciation of it today when i finally realised i have closed the chapter to my ordeal. i won't dare say i suffered for love for i am not so noble. But nonetheless, it was a very painful experience. But i have seen so much and learned so much from it that secretly, i am actually thankful for the experience. (secretly because i dun ever want to go thru' it again!!!)
i saw how my family supported me, how my parents fought for my rights, and how my siblings -Patrick, you are included too - (even cousins) rallied beind me. then there are frens like you guys (i must mention my strength booster - Hui Yan) who stood by me all the way. and i am also able to better define the term - fair-weather frens.
sure, times were tough and you guys have heard me whine ever so much (sally, remembered my calls to france?). but my experiences these 3 years have actually made me a very conscientious person and opened my eyes to so many things that i would otherwise be oblivious.
surprisingly, i think i am more optimistic than before for i have truly realised how to look for the good stuff even in a lousy situation. ok, i still complaint and kick up a fuss over some things, but really, that's for the fun of it or for the sake of complaining - otherwise, i have nothing to tell you in emails and phone calls!! ha ha ha. but i am conscious that they are not about to affect my well-being.
i never thought that i have good things to say about the whole episode. but as it turns out, i got alot from it, a lot of good things, actually. i suppose this is a manifestation of suffering for love - love of life, love of living (more meaningfully)!!
it came from the homily i heard today.
Father started by relating an article he read about an experiment carried out by Oxford - to measure if one can endure higher level of physical suffering if he has faith. the congregation laughed big time - i thought that was a silly study.
then he went on to talk about suffering for love; parents sacrificing for their children, spouses who put the other before self, a new mother who must endure the pain of delivery before feeling the immerse joy of seeing the newborn.
honestly, i am seldom so attentive during homily. my mind tends to wonder in my own thoughts or just day dreaming away (ooops...). i found today's session very refreshing. the topic is not new. you guys must have heard variations of it 10 thousand times.
but i have a new appreciation of it today when i finally realised i have closed the chapter to my ordeal. i won't dare say i suffered for love for i am not so noble. But nonetheless, it was a very painful experience. But i have seen so much and learned so much from it that secretly, i am actually thankful for the experience. (secretly because i dun ever want to go thru' it again!!!)
i saw how my family supported me, how my parents fought for my rights, and how my siblings -Patrick, you are included too - (even cousins) rallied beind me. then there are frens like you guys (i must mention my strength booster - Hui Yan) who stood by me all the way. and i am also able to better define the term - fair-weather frens.
sure, times were tough and you guys have heard me whine ever so much (sally, remembered my calls to france?). but my experiences these 3 years have actually made me a very conscientious person and opened my eyes to so many things that i would otherwise be oblivious.
surprisingly, i think i am more optimistic than before for i have truly realised how to look for the good stuff even in a lousy situation. ok, i still complaint and kick up a fuss over some things, but really, that's for the fun of it or for the sake of complaining - otherwise, i have nothing to tell you in emails and phone calls!! ha ha ha. but i am conscious that they are not about to affect my well-being.
i never thought that i have good things to say about the whole episode. but as it turns out, i got alot from it, a lot of good things, actually. i suppose this is a manifestation of suffering for love - love of life, love of living (more meaningfully)!!
Sunday, April 17, 2005
CSI Wannabe
This blog is specially dedicated to Mag - who shares my interest in the CSI serial.
remember the night we spent talking in a coffee shop near your place - that was when u first introduced the serial to me. since then, i was hooked to the show and still very much now.
this term, i am taking a class titled 'Criminal Investigation'. you will be very jealous, my fren.
for the class tomorrow, we will learn how to lift fingerprints - i am totally excited and looking forward to it. at the end of the term, as part of our assessment, my prof will set up 3 different crime scenes and the class will be divided into teams to process them. 2 scenes will be outdoor and my prof warned that the assessment will continue even in adverse weather - just like in real life!! how exciting it is!
but there is more to the fun of the class. as i study the subject, the theories that i learnt are not unique to crime scene investigation. would like to share some with you
be objective - there is so much emphasis on being objective, for everyone is bias and prejudice due to our past & experiences. but certainly, an investigator has to overcome this and base his findings on facts and evidences. this is so applicable in life and we often overlook it in our haste. hence, we end up being judgemental and allow subjectivity to cloud / colour us.
another trait of a good investigator is to be observant. i think my text book put forth this point so very apt - (i quote) ... our eyes often see only what they look for and look for what is already in our minds. ... most of us see but do not observe.
how true - we more often then not, see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear; rather than what our family and frens are really trying to show or tell us.
as i read my text, i come to realise that life is very much like a big crime scene that we set out to find the truth (meaning) or value/worth of our existence and purpose.
remember the night we spent talking in a coffee shop near your place - that was when u first introduced the serial to me. since then, i was hooked to the show and still very much now.
this term, i am taking a class titled 'Criminal Investigation'. you will be very jealous, my fren.
for the class tomorrow, we will learn how to lift fingerprints - i am totally excited and looking forward to it. at the end of the term, as part of our assessment, my prof will set up 3 different crime scenes and the class will be divided into teams to process them. 2 scenes will be outdoor and my prof warned that the assessment will continue even in adverse weather - just like in real life!! how exciting it is!
but there is more to the fun of the class. as i study the subject, the theories that i learnt are not unique to crime scene investigation. would like to share some with you
be objective - there is so much emphasis on being objective, for everyone is bias and prejudice due to our past & experiences. but certainly, an investigator has to overcome this and base his findings on facts and evidences. this is so applicable in life and we often overlook it in our haste. hence, we end up being judgemental and allow subjectivity to cloud / colour us.
another trait of a good investigator is to be observant. i think my text book put forth this point so very apt - (i quote) ... our eyes often see only what they look for and look for what is already in our minds. ... most of us see but do not observe.
how true - we more often then not, see what we want to see, hear what we want to hear; rather than what our family and frens are really trying to show or tell us.
as i read my text, i come to realise that life is very much like a big crime scene that we set out to find the truth (meaning) or value/worth of our existence and purpose.
Saturday, April 16, 2005
so wat now?
i created a blog last year. but since i never actually post anything after that, i ended up forgetting my username and password. hence this is effectively my new blog. let's see how long this last :)
