CSI wannabe

last week was an interesting one for me.

i came face to face with my fear. yes, i freaked out at the first sight, and almost lost control of myself. but it did me more good than harm. in fact, i am thankful for the experience.

1st, i knew that i have frens who would be there for me and i can now gladly say that i am totally over the bad episode in my life. also, i appreciate the trust that my frens have in me.

i will cut the story short - it wasn't easy to see 2 people you love go separate ways. there were so much similarities. it was scary at first - like going thru' it (myself) all over again...... yes, tears rolled down for it brought back some very very real pain and heartache.

E came by to comfort me when i told him i needed company. absolutely grateful for his time and the little things he did to make my day better. couldn't ask for more and i cannot thank him enough.

i am flattered by the level of trust my frens had in me, who confided in me their thoughts and emotions during this very difficult time of their lives. with limited resources, i can only offer my listening ears and morale support. i wish i could do more.

most importantly, it forced me to look at my fears in the eyes so that i have a chance to conquer it. and thankfully, i think i did. there are many ways how one deals with fear. many choose to sweep it under the carpet or worse, live in denial. these are health hazards, really. to me, overcoming it is the only way.

it is now official - my major is Psychology. the plan is to graduate next quarter with an AA (Associate degree of Arts) in Psychology. Henry said that increases my marketability - i certainly hope so.

it is a tactical decision more than anything else. no, not that i didn't enjoy the classes. in fact, i do so very much. otherwise, i won't be bothered to be in school by 8am this term (mind you, it is winter and leaving the house @ 7.15am is no joke.... it is hell of a cold.... freezing, i mean...). well, i guess it would be kinda cool to have a masters in engineering and an AA in psyc.

the psyc lecturers are all very interesting. i'm taking the 2nd class with 2 lecturers - well, they gave me an A the last time, so i hope to keep up the good work. i loved their classes before and they (apparently) liked my work, and i guess it is a win-win combination, or so i hope.

finally, there is light at the end of the tunnel. to people, i seemed to know what i wanted when i boarded the plane and landed in this foreign land. but honestly, i knew what i didn't want, as opposed to what i really wanted. i just knew that i would be able to figure out at some point. i took advices from all my frens - one thing at a time. yes, slowly, but surely. i'll work something out.

bumped into a couple of secondary 3 students from a SAP school 2 months back. They were here on an immersion program at one of the top high school in the valley. the students would also get to visit several big corporations like Apple and Google.

I guess it is true that the eduacation system back home is improving. apart from building the foundation (in language, math and science), educators now recognize the need for students to know what's happening to the rest of the world. the sky is bigger than what we can see above us.

we were talking about a second chance that society would give to one. Tap said that S'pore still has a long way to go. We still do not see mistake as a chance to learn. instead, it condemns a person - his fate or future is sealed. again, i was told that this is also changing.

We hope so. only with the guts to make mistakes (knowing that you will still be accepted and not condemned) that people will be more creative. life will be more colorful. ok, i'm a practical person. let's just say, one should take calculated risk and not jump ship blindly.

to several of my frens who pride ourselves as unconventional (u know who u are), good luck to your new endeavors. It's the new year, so let the sun shines brightly on the new path that you have chosen. Cheers!!

Happy New Year to all.

it is a wet new year here in the bay area. in fact, since mid December, it was a luxury to see the sun. believe it, this must be one of the wettest winter. sure, it rained last year too, but nothing quite compared to this. several rivers in the north bay have overflow and some areas are badly flooded. where is the famous 'california sunshine'?? the rain hasn't stopped since last night. reminded me of the rainy days at home......

ok, so the new year is here. resolution? none. it has been ages since i last had new year resolutions. but that is not to say that i live aimlessly. i know what i need to do with school, i know i need to get a job, blah blah blah.

anyway, i was too sick to actually usher the new year in a big way. yeah, i started running a temperature on new year's eve after dinner. though we hangout at Larry's place, i was too restless to even joke. I just sat on the couch, shivering under the blanket, watching the countdown in Times Sq, NY. the rest of the gang joked and laughed, but i was half dozing off. so much for the first few minutes of the new year.

got home about 3am and slept till 3pm on the 1st day of the year. got up, ran some errands and went to bed by 11pm. i guess my body is screaming for some rest. as i said, it has been a busy quarter, with school and everything else.

it was the first time i got really ill since i got to the bay area. it's not that bad. it was also my own fault - too much chocolate, chips and deep-fried stuff within a few days. i should know better that my body cannot take that. ah well.... that's the punishment for not having enough discipline.....

so, coming back, new year resolution, i think there is only one - that is to be discipline - to do what i have to do and not procrastinate.